I have a bunch of work that needs to get out and painted and drawn, but my head (well, mostly sinuses) and my hands aren’t cooperating. Thought it might be time for a sort of statement again. “Sort of” because I’m shit at them, but also I don’t feel the need to define anything through it, nothing I’m doing now. Just some conclusions I’ve drawn lately and where I think I sit in them.
I’m fortunate enough to be able to make art even though I’m not anything close to successful. Not financially, anway. But that part has never been a huge thing. Although I wouldn’t at all mind wealth, fame isn’t a thing I’m after at all. I just want to get to the heart of what I do, to make things that have an impact of some kind, regardless of whether it’s a big impact or just something that inspires a few people.
But that’s not entirely true either. I’d still be content just to go farther, to become as good at this art thing as one can get. I want to make something sublime. I suppose you could say what I’m chasing is spiritual, whether or not it ever gets acknowledged in a way that returns something to me. That’s sort of a quintessential artist stereotype, but that’s one of the few things that motivates me. To that end, I don’t think it’s really possible- at least at this juncture- to do this for any other reason.
Eventually I’m sure it will come down to that. Either time or money, or likely both, will eat away at my freedom to just make art. I’m aware I’m the worst at self-promotion. I do well to maintain a website and an open workspace- the bar, sitting outside drawing, and so forth. I’m bad at the social media aspect of it, I loathe the whole “branding” thing. It’s gross, and even as I look for day jobs in that realm I more and more want to seperate my personal work from that. So at some point, that’s a thing I’d like to have assistance with. Hopefully, hopefully, that’s something I’ll catch a break on sometime.
Meanwhile, I’ll just keep working until I can’t anymore. I just want that to be enough.