I’m slowly starting to pack things. There will be a lot getting yard-saled (yard-sold?). I’m really struggling not to pile everything in the parking lot and set it on fire. I’ve never been a big fan of laptops, but the appeal is certainly there in terms of mobility and I really wish I had one right now.
There were some interesting dreams again last night. Not unshakeable like some of the recent ones, but they still revolved around the past and long gone faces. Some things I’ve consciously come to terms with, but on a deeper level the best I can do is let memory shift and blur with time. My mental state will always be a lens, a catalyst that twists thought and perspectives together in the most negative way. Bad days will always turn into a series of dire existential decisions where every choice is the wrong one, and the good days are just the ones where I’m sufficiently distracted from all that. Last night was a vision of both reconnecting and closure, and I’m deeply disappointed that those feelings only occur for me in sleep.